Day 15

Just checking in I guess. I was feeling a bit despondent this morning. I had been reading a few bloggers’ archives from their first few weeks of sobriety and… well, I’m a bit jealous. These past couple of weeks have been pretty grueling, emotionally and I’m still not sleeping and emphatically not losing weight. WHERE IS MY GODDESS, DAMMIT? I’ve given myself a pretty firm talking to before sitting down here tonight though and what I (grudgingly!) accept is that it is going to be different for everyone, and that my experience can only be what it is – somewhat of a tautology but I think I know what I mean. Hopefully anyone reading this will more or less understand. My sub-goddesshood notwithstanding, the profound relief I have felt about finally seeing, clearly, what a destructive force alcohol has been in my life has persisted. I am deeply, deeply grateful to be feeling these feelings and doing this work and for even the tiny changes that I am seeing in myself – particularly in the way I am present to my kids and able to react to the inevitable chaos of a household with three little boys – that is, not remotely goddess-like but materially less shouty.

Thanks so much to those of you reading and commenting, and writing about your journeys. I am so grateful, too, not to be doing this alone.

x

Advertisements

9 thoughts on “Day 15”

  1. Your ALL CAPS SHOUTINESS made me smile, thank you!

    Personally I think that being ‘materially less shouty’ with your imps counts as a majorly goddess act… keep up the great work!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hear you, I hear you! I should be a size 0 (according to me-not that I have been a size zero, like EVER, in my life). But because I gave up ALLLL THOSE CALORIES when I stopped drinking, I should be slim and svelte and probably markedly wealthier, too.

    But I’m not. I have definitely gained an alarming amount of weight since I quit drinking. I’m going to have to attack my eating habits the way I attacked my drinking. Sigh.

    Have you read Dana Bowman’s book “Bottled?” From a mom’s point of view, it’s both hilarious and SO honest. She’s pretty religious, but I found it easy to skip that stuff (which is saying something).

    I hope you feel tons better soon. πŸ™‚

    Like

  3. Its a year on from my latest rock bottom moment and my godess is still in hiding. I’ve only had the courage to start tackling the food issues now. One thing at a time, the godess is in there I know it, she was just f-ick tired so needed to sleep for a year:)

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha – thank you. Yes I guess my goddess must be pretty tired too. All those 3ams. 😱 I was going to start a whole30 on 1 June but I realized I actually just don’t have it in me. All this thinky-feely stuff is knackering. Fat and enlightened is also goddess-like right? πŸ˜‚

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Sending a big hug to you. It’s SO important not to compare your journey to anyone else. You are unique and right where you need to be… one day at a time! I’ve been quiet the last few days but plan to post later today or tomorrow. I too struggle with sleep – thought it would be instantly better, NOT! We’ve got this! ONE DAY At A TIME!

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s